Who Am I? — Kali as the Self

 I ask Kali: Who am I?

At first I look for Her in everything I can see.

I look at the body, but the body is not what remains when I ask who I am. I look at the senses, through which I hear, touch, see, taste and smell. I look at the breath. I look at the mind and at everything that appears within it.

None of these is the Self.

So I continue.

Not this body. Not these senses. Not these actions. Not the breath. Not the mind. Not the impressions left behind by what I have experienced.

Kali remains.

But where is She?

I cannot find Her as another object among the things I see. If I can see something, think about it or observe it, then it is already something appearing before me.

So I ask again:

Who am I?

The question turns back upon the one who asks it.

There is an “I” before all the other thoughts. Before there is “you”, “he” or “she”, there is first the thought “I”. From it the other thoughts arise.

I follow this “I” back toward its source.

Kali is no longer something standing before me.

I look for the place from which the “I” arises.

The mind turns inward.

When another thought appears, I do not follow it. I ask: To whom has this thought arisen?

To me.

Who am I?

Again the mind turns back.

Again the thought becomes quiet.

The more I remain with the question, the less there is to hold on to. The body is not the answer. The senses are not the answer. Thoughts are not the answer. The mind itself is not the answer.

What remains when all that is not the Self has been left aside?

Awareness.

This Awareness is not something separate that I have to find. It is what remains.

And Kali is here.

Not as another thought. Not as another form appearing before me. Not as something that I can place outside myself and observe.

I ask Kali who I am, and the question leads me back to the Self.

The “I”-thought becomes quiet.

There is silence.

The Self is described as that in which there is no “I”-thought. It is called Silence. The Self is the world, the “I”, and God; all is Siva, the Self.

I do not need to look for Kali somewhere else.

I remain with Her.

Who am I?

Source & Note

This article is based on Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi’s Who Am I? (Nan Yar?), published by Sri Ramanasramam, Tiruvannamalai. The material has been edited and adapted for this publication.